Saturday, 23 March 2013

Requested Fight: Han Solo vs Jack Bauer vs Aragorn vs Marty McFly vs John McClane vs Katniss Everdeen







Venue: Outskirts of a backwater village, entrenched in a deep forest

Each fighter simultaneously enters the battlefield, armed with their respective weapons, except for Katniss, who is nowhere to be seen, and an unarmed Marty McFly, who, to the shock of the others, comes careening down the road in a DeLorean, straight toward Han Solo. Solo fires off a desperate shot from his blaster pistol at the car and dives to the side. The shot misses McFly, but Solo succeeds in escaping from the attack and quickly gets to his feet. Suddenly, something flies in from the darkness - an arrow, fired by Katniss from elsewhere, hits Han Solo directly in his chest, dropping him to his knees in agony as blood begins to pour from the wound. Simultaneously, Jack Bauer turns to Aragorn, who stands nearby, and fires a shot from a pistol in his direction. Aragorn narrowly ducks, the inaccurate bullet grazing his shoulder, and begins to charge at Bauer, sword ready. Bauer fires a second shot at Aragorn, hitting his face with accuracy just as Aragorn slashes Bauer's side with the sword, then falls to the ground, bleeding to death. McClane then fires a shot from some distance away at Bauer, hitting him in the shoulder. Bauer turns to shoot back as McClane fires off a second bullet; with the advantage of being prepared, John McClane's shot hits Jack Bauer squarely in the head, killing him almost instantly, whereas Bauer's own shot only hits McClane in the arm, resulting in a small wound.

The DeLorean having used up the last of its gas, McFly gets out to take cover in a nearby shack. Meanwhile, Han Solo spies Katniss in the darkness of an adjacent street, as she shoots another arrow from between two buildings at McClane. The arrow narrowly misses McClane, and Han Solo fires a blast at Katniss, whose attention is focused on her new target. The powerful blast burns a hole through Katniss' chest, completely vapourising her heart and resulting in a quick, albeit painful, death. Noticing the commotion, John McClane turns to Han Solo to shoot him, but Solo quickly shoots first, hitting McClane in the arm, sending him reeling backwards and causing his shot to narrowly miss, the bullet passing Solo's ear so closely he can hear it cutting through the wind next to him. Each combatant fires a second shot at the other, but McClane prepared, ducks as he shoots, successfully avoiding Solo's blast and hitting him in the knee with a bullet. Now losing blood rapidly from the injuries to both his knee and chest. Solo fires another, desperate shot at McClane, which injures McClane's other arm as McClane fires a third bullet, successfully hitting Solo in the torso and causing him to bleed out.

Now only Marty McFly and an injured John McClane remain in the fight. McClane sees that McFly has left the battlefield and goes off in search of him. Meanwhile, McFly finds an old rake in the shack, and waits at the door, ready to defend himself. Minutes pass, and McClane opens the door to the shack. As he enters, his eyes adjusting to the darkness inside, Marty McFly hits him at full strength with the rake, deeply scratching McClane's chest. McClane, startled and in pain, fires a shot into the darkness, grazing McFly as he swings again. McClane ducks, but the rake still hits him in the side of the head. His eyes now adjusted, John McClane shoots Marty McFly in the torso, wounding him greatly, then proceeds to shoot him directly in the head at point-blank range, brutally killing McFly. John McClane wins.

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